Let me just preface this by saying: I know how corny it is to reflect on one's life after experiencing a monumental event, such as a comet, a tsunami, or in my case, a lunar eclipse. But this isn't going to be about some revelation I experienced because a Higher Power pointed out to me the "deeper meaning" of the eclipse and how I should not allow the petty details of my life to eclipse its greater meaning, etc etc. No. Heavens, no.
The lesson I learned this evening - or, shall I say, morning - is simply how damn impatient I am. I'm currently visiting my father for the holidays and he lives in the North. Coming from Oklahoma where the weather can be as ever-changing as Rihanna's hairdos, I thought I knew the definition of "cold." I was sorely mistaken.
Last week, I can vividly remember walking to one of my finals in shorts. Shorts, and a light jacket. Now I find myself reaching for the North Face anytime anyone opens a door. When our plane landed in this frigid state Saturday night, it was exactly one degree. One. You can't even add an "s" to pluralize it...because it's just ONE.
Not surprisingly, I heard from several people about the lunar eclipse that is to take place tonight. I'm kind of a celestial nerd and couldn't have been more excited. I've spent the day lounging around in leggings, a t-shirt and some tall booties from Old Navy. You know the type, the obnoxious knitted ones with furry balls that dangle from the top? I know you own a pair. They're heavenly.
Back to my point. I decided to sit outside for a few minutes, hoping to catch a glimpse of the moon's disappearance. I threw on a puffy jacket and headed to the backporch to wait.
I waited for quite some time. My heart leaped when I noticed that a tiny sliver of the moon had indeed darkened. I took pictures, trying to see if I could notice a difference. I couldn't. Finally, one of my friends informed me that this eclipse would last precisely 72 minutes. I decided that at the end of 72 minutes my eyes would probably be frozen over and I had no desire to spend twice that amount of time thawing out, so I came inside. I plan on periodically poking my head out to check its progress. It's the lunar eclipse, but the Reader's Digest version for those of us who can't be bothered with battling the elements to see one of nature's true miracles.
And that's the thing. I have this problem that I'm sure very few people will have trouble relating to. I have a tendency to live life very fast. I am constantly in a hurry, constantly stressed, constantly starting new projects and always feeling like I need to be "on the move."
I am impatient with nearly everything and everyone in my life. I'm impatient with love, always wondering why it isn't here yet. Impatient with my life, anxiously awaiting the day when I'll discover what I want to do with mine. We've all heard the expression, "Stop and Smell the Roses." Well here's the thing, I'm not a big fan of roses and if they're going to slow me down I am probably just going to walk around them. Daisies, now, are a different story entirely.
But seriously, where is all this rushing taking us? Closer and closer to...what? Death? Because, unfortunately, that's where we're all headed. It's the big Dead End in the road that we're all going to hit eventually. So why in the hell are we always speeding towards it? Maybe we'd all be a lot happier if we just had the capability to slow down, and let things happen.
I've made plenty of mistakes in my life, some of them huge. Tonight I realized that trying to rush everything in my life might be one of the biggest ones. Because I don't want to have to slam on the brakes when I see my Dead End sign, wishing I'd allowed myself more time to laugh, more time to help others, more time to enjoy all the little in-between moments of life. I want to take my time getting there, and live a life so that when I finally see that sign I'll be able to face it happily, knowing there's nothing I could have done better, and that I left this world better than I found it.
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